According to the Register, Dell is monitoring badge swipes and VPN logins, and they've even developed a colour-coded system to rate how much time you spend at your desk.

A Dell deepthroat moaned that “HR's gonna be marking our homework, grading us on whether we're clocking in at the office 39 days every quarter."

"If you're not hitting those numbers, you'll be sent straight to the headmaster's office, aka Jeff Clarke, who seems to think playing truant officer is more important than raking in the dosh."

Come next Monday, 13 May the firm will start using badge data to share how often you pop into the office on its internal systems. They'll slap a colour on you to show whether you're a Gold Star employee or not. Blue means you're practically part of the furniture; green says you're there enough; yellow's a bit here and there; and red means you are as rare as an honest politician.

Another Dell deepthroat claims bosses are all over the shop about what these colours mean. Some reckon you should be blue da ba dee da ba daa all the time, while others are more chill about seeing a bit of red.

" Dell's spying on our badge-ins and VPN shenanigans to catch anyone pulling a fast one (you know, badge in for a latte , then leg it home)," another source spilt. "It is probably 'cause loads of us decided to stay in our PJs after they told us to come back in."

Word is that Dell's playing the long game to thin the herd. It might be planning another round of layoffs when summer hits. Dell can use its nifty colour-coding system to work out who is for the chop.

Dell announced in February that its 2024 cash pile was $88.4 billion (€82.6 billion), 14 per cent less than last year, and profits were $3.2 billion (€2.99 billion).