Luxury brands snub Apple’s dashboard land grab

The Fruity Cargo Cult, Apple’s latest attempt to colonise car dashboards with its CarPlay Ultra system has hit a wall, as several high-end carmakers politely told it to sod off.

Last-ditch talks aim to dodge hefty Digital Markets Act fines

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is frantically negotiating with Brussels to dodge another regulatory slap as its deadline to comply with the Digital Markets Act runs out on 26 June.

Desperate to sort out its AI mess 

Fruity Cargo Cult,  Apple is reportedly poking around AI startup Perplexity because it’s desperate to bolt someone else’s brains onto its failing AI plans.

Legacy gear dumped as Job's Mob ignores its own past

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has axed support for FireWire 400 and 800 in the first macOS Tahoe developer beta, leaving old iPods and legacy drives to rot in drawers.

Wedbush analyst says Apple Intelligence is all gloss, no guts

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has been warned that its Apple Intelligence is doomed and not close to matching what its rivals are doing.

Probably because it doesn't understand what it's doing

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s research paper, pompously titled The Illusion of Thinking, which confidently claimed that large reasoning models (LRMs) collapse when asked to do anything clever, is faulty, according to a top boffin.

Job’s Mob reckons building Siri properly takes decades

After months of mocking silence about Siri’s “smarts” Apple executives have surfaced to defend their wobbly AI rollout and somehow made it sound like all part of the plan.

It was supposed to distract from Apple's AI woes but has only made it worse

Apple Fanboys are furious that their fruity cargo cult’s leaders thought that turning to Windows Vista for inspiration would somehow distract them from the fact that the company can’t get its AI to go.

If we can't get it to go it does not exist

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has thrown its toys out of the pram again, in the form of a gloomy research paper declaring that artificial general intelligence might just be a dead end. That is, of course, after finding itself embarrassingly behind rivals who have functioning first generation AI.

Tame Apple Press pretends it's new because WWDC is hot air

After nearly two decades of sniffing at Windows design choices, the Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has decided it quite likes Aero Glass, rebranding the whole thing as “Liquid Glass” and parading it as a revolutionary new UI it just invented.