Legacy gear dumped as Job's Mob ignores its own past

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has axed support for FireWire 400 and 800 in the first macOS Tahoe developer beta, leaving old iPods and legacy drives to rot in drawers.

Wedbush analyst says Apple Intelligence is all gloss, no guts

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has been warned that its Apple Intelligence is doomed and not close to matching what its rivals are doing.

Probably because it doesn't understand what it's doing

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s research paper, pompously titled The Illusion of Thinking, which confidently claimed that large reasoning models (LRMs) collapse when asked to do anything clever, is faulty, according to a top boffin.

Job’s Mob reckons building Siri properly takes decades

After months of mocking silence about Siri’s “smarts” Apple executives have surfaced to defend their wobbly AI rollout and somehow made it sound like all part of the plan.

It was supposed to distract from Apple's AI woes but has only made it worse

Apple Fanboys are furious that their fruity cargo cult’s leaders thought that turning to Windows Vista for inspiration would somehow distract them from the fact that the company can’t get its AI to go.

If we can't get it to go it does not exist

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has thrown its toys out of the pram again, in the form of a gloomy research paper declaring that artificial general intelligence might just be a dead end. That is, of course, after finding itself embarrassingly behind rivals who have functioning first generation AI.

Tame Apple Press pretends it's new because WWDC is hot air

After nearly two decades of sniffing at Windows design choices, the Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has decided it quite likes Aero Glass, rebranding the whole thing as “Liquid Glass” and parading it as a revolutionary new UI it just invented.

Job’s Mob continues its Intel purge

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has signalled it's nearly done with Intel Macs by slashing support for all but four of them in its upcoming macOS 26 release, codenamed Tahoe.

Job’s Mob proves it is not ready for the AI future or even the present

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple managed to wipe $75 billion from its market value during its own keynote circus, proving once again that hype is no substitute for actual product.

Apple Intelligence flounders while rivals eat its lunch

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is having a right old mess of it trying to make Siri less of a clueless digital butler and more like an actual AI assistant.