Apple defends its headless chicken AI strategy
Job’s Mob reckons building Siri properly takes decades
After months of mocking silence about Siri’s “smarts” Apple executives have surfaced to defend their wobbly AI rollout and somehow made it sound like all part of the plan.
Apple's WWDC faceplant costs it $75 billion
Job’s Mob proves it is not ready for the AI future or even the present
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple managed to wipe $75 billion from its market value during its own keynote circus, proving once again that hype is no substitute for actual product.
Siri stumbles as Apple botches AI race
Apple Intelligence flounders while rivals eat its lunch
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is having a right old mess of it trying to make Siri less of a clueless digital butler and more like an actual AI assistant.
Apple finally admits Siri spies on you
Coughs up $95 million
Apple fanboys using Siri-enabled gear in the US between 17 September 2014 and 31 December 2024 can grab a slice of a $95 million (€88 million) payout, after the Fruity Cargo Cult Apple was caught red-handed snooping on private chats.
Job’s Mob nudged for selling smoke as substance
You can't say something is intelligent when it isn't
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple has quietly walked back its “available now” claim about its Apple Intelligence features after the National Advertising Division gave it a sharp nudge for being a bit too enthusiastic with the truth.
Siri spirals into chaos
Voice assistant flounders while rivals sprint into the future
The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple’s 13-year-old digital dunce Siri is proving more useless than ever, infuriating users while other tech firms surge ahead with bleeding-edge AI chatbots.
Apple’s Siri overhaul delayed due to poor engineering
Can’t get the wood
The fruity cargo cult Apple’s overhyped Siri revamp has ground to a halt because of serious technical difficulties, raising doubts about the company’s ability to deliver on its grand promises.
Siri has been spying on users
Selling their conversations for targeted advertising
Despite claiming that “unlike other companies” it was not spying on users and flogging their data to advertisers the fruity cargo cult, Apple has just paid out in a court case where it was doing just that.
New Siri will take two years
Jobs’ Mob scrambles to play catch-up
The Tame Apple Press is reporting a rumour that Apple will have a new version of Siri out of the box to match the large language models that its rivals have had for ages—there is just one snag.
Apple finally fixes poor Siri programming
Only taken a decade
Fruity cargo cult Apple might have finally fixed a problem with Siri which it has known about since September 17, 2014.
